I woke up with a smile on my face. Was it a dream? Could this happiness be short lived? I glanced at my reflection in the mirror, desperately wanting it to be real.
The even, closed smile that I saw melted my heart. Every day for the last four months I have prayed for a sign of movement on the left hand side of my face. I have spent countless hours staring at myself in the mirror, willing my face to move. The movement in my cheek has had me on cloud nine for the last couple of weeks. Every day it moves just that little bit more bringing me one step closer to the 'old' me.
I know that our looks don't define us, it's what's on the inside that counts. I have always been a big believer of this. Although now I feel like a hypocrite. Over the last four months I have lost a lot of confidence due to the way I look. I feel safe in the bubble of my family, friends and colleagues that are aware of my history. The minute I step outside my comfort zone I feel extremely self conscious. I shy away from talking to people that I don't know, keep my head down in the shops and in the corridors at work. In my head I believe that I am being judged for the way I look. Truth is I'm probably not. Sure some people that don't know my situation may be curious. Reality is that I am still me. I am still the same person as I was prior to the operation despite the limited movement in my face.
I'm not ashamed to admit that I had been feeling really down on the world. The whole 'woe is me' attitude that I try so hard to avoid had crept in. My energy levels (or lack of) play a big part in my terrible mood however it was my appearance that I hated the most. My new smile has given me the confidence boost that I needed to start thinking positively again.