This week I was delivered news that I had thought I would not be given for a long time to come. The left acoustic neuroma has grown 3mm in 7 months. Whilst that doesn't sound like a lot, 3mm in 12 months is classed as a large growth, mine has done that in half the time.
The next step is to see Professor Kaye (the neurosurgeon that operated on my Spine last February) to discuss the options...surgery, radiation, both of which scare the crap out of me.
I can honestly say that I have dropped my bundle this week out of fear of what lays ahead. I have gone through the motions of life, dragged myself to work but my concentration levels are low and I feel lost and alone. Who would ever think that I would feel alone when I have so much support around me. People can sympathize but there is not too many people that know what it is I am going through and trying to process in my mind. My jaw aches from me gripping my teeth together from anxiety. I have spent hours on the Internet, reading, watching Utube videos of the operation. I want too know what I am up against when I go to the surgeon. Knowledge is power but on the other hand the facts are frightening.
The positives to come out of this is that the growth is on my left side, my bad ear, so I will still have my hearing and the specialist thinks that an an ABI (Auditory Brainstem Implant) may be an option.
Thank you to my family and friends that have supported me through a tough week. From wine to chocolate cake, text messages, card making and a shoulder to cry on. To the people that I snapped at and then cried on, I'm sorry.
A special mention to Babe who has seen my ups and downs and dealt with the brunt of my anger on a daily basis. I appreciate all that you do for me.
It is the continued support from everyone that gives me the courage to face this next challenge. I know that the road ahead is not going to be easy. I am terrified. Fingers crossed I get an appointment soon to relieve the constant stress I feel about the unknown.