I have found myself thinking a lot the last couple of days about how far I have come since my diagnosis. It's now been a year since I started my blog. Wow, what a journey that has been. A time of both personal growth and adventure. I have managed to accomplish so many things, reaching the top of the Pinnacle and Boronia Peak in Halls Gap, having my story published in both the local paper and Take 5 magazine, attending the carols by candlelight, winning the NF catagory in the BeingYOUnique photo competition but nothing can outshine the joy of meeting Kasey Chambers and hearing her live both at Hallam and at the Melbourne Zoo.
Despite the many adventures I have awaiting me in America later in the year, I can't help but think that this year may also be one of heartache. My hearing is declining, a daily struggle for me now. Having a conversation, watching a movie, doing my job have all become difficult. Sometimes I feel so inadequate, like I don't belong. It angers me that this condition has robbed me of so many things. "Aged" me before my time. I worry about the removal of the acoustic neuromas and how it will affect me. I already feel so alone at times, and I can still hear. A silent world scares me.
Everyone believes me to be this strong, inspirational person. At times I feel anything but strong. This is a fault that I have. I don't want to let anyone down. It's taken me a long time to realise that that is ok. I am allowed to feel down sometimes. I just can't let that be all the time.
This is why I am so passionate about raising awareness for NF and the effects it has on people. I don't want people to have to live with these daily struggles. As well as helping me reach out to others, I want my blog to be informative and I strive to write my true feelings so others can relate on a personal level through their own struggles. I have learnt that there is no point writing for the sake of writing. The writing needs to have a purpose. It needs to come from the heart and be the truth. I learnt this valuable lesson from my greatest critic, greatest teacher, Brad (aka Babe). He showed me that by not writing from the heart I wasn't giving a true representation of my thoughts and feelings and struggles with NF therefore others could be mislead by what I was trying to achieve by writing this blog.